the ghost of vivicashe always thought that she would diethe ghost of vivica by vanityisthenewlove
like marilyn, a still life of beauty, of release,
painted in pain and silk sheets,
and sometimes life does hold that image,
but never death.
she wasn't ready-
that’s what she tells me.
she doesn't tell me much, though.
gossamer skin wrapping bird bones
into a lithe bundle named vivica,
soft curls spilling
claims her head’s always spinning,
always swimming in the sea of pills
i hear her hollow voice
singing or sobbing- i can never tell,
but it plays softly every night,
sometimes in whispers,
a symphony of stories
she weaves about her past,
lulling me to sleep so easily,
and i dream of a sorrowful, lost, lonely family,
missing their melodic daughter, sister, mother,
missing their train wreck beauty queen,
missing a woman lost in time,
house of wolvesand the snakes are in my skinhouse of wolves by vanityisthenewlove
underneath, the sin is sewn in,
my bones drip deceit and unhappiness
i can lie for a time but
wont you please just let me in
accept me for who i am
i can share all the skin you want
but i don't have a heart for you to stop
i'm afraid i don't have a heart
for you to haunt
but i can lie for a time
if you'll please just let me in
into your bed, under your skin,
i cant fall asleep in your arms
but i can make your head spin
i'm sorry if i wasn't what you were looking for
but it was you who knocked on that door
saying, love, please just let me in,
into your heart and your heart i'll win
i couldn't make you see
that there is no heart within
but i lied for a time
i faked what you couldn't find
i forgot my conscience in the dark
i hurt a friend and left my mark
so tell me, what's the price
of forsaking love to fill a vice?
count the seasonsthere was a time long ago when i fell asleep with an ear against the sound of your heart beating in your chest.count the seasons by vanityisthenewlove
when my oil slick eyes never had to miss your dark whiskey irises.
when the bird in my the cage of my ribs never had to cry out in loneliness, only love.
and when i didn't spend my days underwater and out of breath, drowning in a lake i made myself.
not so long ago, there was a time when i woke up without your heartbeat or your warmth or the sound of your voice singing to me.
i woke up and i wished sleep would just claim me again and again and again, but no matter how much i poisoned myself or who's singing voice or heartbeat i listened to, i could never fall asleep.
i woke up and i walked into a life without you and i lived it like i was in the coma i wished for, i laid down or i curled up or i dropped, sobbing and shaking and oh so lonely.
but this afternoon, i drifted out of sleep and into bliss, and i didn't miss you one bit.
and for a while now, i've listened to my own h
to fade or to stay the samein the deepest, calmest hours of the night,to fade or to stay the same by vanityisthenewlove
when you have naught but your own company,
i hope your mind reaches out to memories of me,
i hope they wash over you like waves of the sea.
i hope that you can still find comfort
in my presence beside you,
like a moth to a brilliant flame,
know that i will always find you.
i hope that even when you are alone,
you do not feel lonely,
because you carry thoughts of me with you,
just like i do, for you only.
i hope that waking up next to me
fills you with such contentment
as it does for me, because
you are my favorite sentiment.